I’M GIVING YOU PERMISSION

I’m resigned to the fact that my faith struggle is not only uncomfortable for ME… but it may also be uncomfortable for YOU. And while my first inclination is to apologize to you for putting us all in this awkward situation, I’m not going to.

Because we apologize too much these days. We take on too much responsibility for how everyone else feels+thinks+reacts to everything. {WHY do we do that?}

But I do want to give a little disclaimer to what I’m about to say. My heart is so full of love for GOD… so full of hope for the future of the church and those who seek it out for shelter and healing… so full of gratitude when I think of how fulfilling my life has been with Christ at its center. 

First of all, I’ll start this post with my little family, because they are why I allow myself to struggle with God. I never want them to think that faith is easy or that God is a concept they should just accept because I told them to. I see these babies of mine and I desperately want them to never struggle with anything in their lives but I know that reality is that if they DON’T struggle then they will surely fail in the things that are important. So I’m perfectly ok to mess it all up right in front of them.

Being a God-seeker is a lot of work and there is no way around that. If we are not intentional about our faith walk then we don’t really have one to begin with! Devoting your days to the Creator requires study, reflection, repentance, struggling with our flesh nature, service and sacrifice. This is what we are taught in the church and what we know to be true when we make the decision to follow the heart of God.

But here is another brutal truth if we can choose to have an honest moment with each other… we ALL struggle with our faith. If you say you don’t then I’m going to call “liar liar pants on fire” to that kind of talk. In fact… the struggle is almost built INTO our faith by our creator. You see, He gave us these amazing hearts and minds and the ability to think and FEEL everything deeply. And do you know what comes with that? Thoughts that aren’t like everyone else. Feelings that are so far removed from those of your best friend+parents+youth pastor+significant other+televangelist+rabbi+faith healer.

The struggle is part of the growth process. We push and strain against the soil of our hearts and that soil is riddled with all sorts of toxins shoved down there by a fractured society, painful experiences, grey areas of scripture, our stinking flesh, our limited understanding of the true heart/nature of GOD and our own stubbornness.

Do you know what is also mixed in with the toxic soup of human nature? All kinds of amazing additives that come by way of iron sharpening iron relationships, personal study of scripture and historical documents, magical moments of communion with nature and other people, observing and participating in moments of transcendent art or miraculously birthing and caring for your babies.

All of these blend together to form the PERFECT environment for something more beautiful than you thought possible if you’re just looking at the outside of that dirty little seed packet. This is the way of GOD. He takes the painful, the pleasurable, the lack, the plenty, the ugly, the beautiful and the absolutely desperate parts of our lives and creates something that only HE could come up with.

IF WE PAY ATTENTION

I’ve had seasons of my life where I didn’t pay attention to the composition of my heart. I ignored the fact that there was too much stress and pain and not enough rest and beauty and I withered. Or I didn’t realize that there was, at times, too much ease and not enough struggle. Both scenarios are breeding grounds for despair. When the balance is off we have to make quick work of recognizing what is missing and make the necessary changes before we go so far down the road that the way back is almost too much to bear.

So let me say this to you, loves. Struggling with your faith is not only OK, it is NECESSARY for growth. Taking a step back from the business {busy-ness} of faith is probably one of the healthiest practices you can have in your journey towards GOD. {The BUSINESS of faith is a trap, by the way… and if you ever find yourself stuck there, chew off whatever appendage is stuck in those metal teeth and run like crazy in the opposite direction}

True faith is built in the darkness and dirt of our human hearts, in the light and beauty of shared experiences and in surrendering to the Divine in ways that are both uncomfortable and liberating. So don’t be afraid of the process! It’s lovely that you haven’t arrived yet! (those of you that think you have… ughh) The struggle is God-designed and the necessary component that most of us try and run away from. You will never find me writing about what your faith walk should look like. YES it should end with the fruits of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. {GALATIANS 5.22} But the journey there is rocky and there is no common map that will get everyone there at the same time and in the same way. There will never be “7 steps to perfect peace” or “13 steps to being more patient with your ridiculous kids {that are JUST LIKE YOU}” or “72 steps to make sure you will never ever cheat on the love of your life”. If you’re reading a book/blog/email blast that is telling you there IS you should roll your eyes at yourself {and them} and face the realities of a complicated, beautiful journey towards wholeness.

My prayer for you today is that you will look for ways to simplify your life so that you can walk more freely in your relationship with GOD. Let go of the weight of responsibilities that are piled on you by other people’s expectations of what your life with GOD should look like and trust the way He is urging you through this journey.

I sure do love you all! (especially YOU!)

-Abs

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