OUR LIVES IN LITTLE BOXES

I moved a couple of months ago. And then I helped my parents move a few weeks after that . There has been a monumental amount of packing and sorting and purging and brown boxes and tape ripping ripping ripping from tape guns. (that’s my new little living room in that picture up there! all cozy and such…)

Moving is a funny thing. We take all of our possessions, all of the things we “own” and make decisions about whether or not we are going to move them from where we are to where we are going to be. Those pants that are slightly too small but you are going to fit in this year, the almost gone candle, the letter from a past love, the 28th spoon you unearth from the dark places of your kitchen, the lap desk that is too dusty and you don’t want to clean it so just THROW IT IN THE TRASH, OK?!

I found so many skewers+tea bags+wandering Q-tips+stacks of magazines+scribbles of recipe ideas+1st grade spelling tests. But even when we say goodbye to more than we think we should, we still end up with exactly 47 boxes too many.

We pack up all of the material things into paper boxes and move them with us because we think they ARE us.

We are all a bunch of gypsies. We don’t settle down into a clean slate – we carry the bangles and the accoutrements around with us so that we can make associations. So that we can remember the good times and the fancy occasions. And maybe so that we can remember the pain and bad decisions, too.

I found pictures that reminded me of the joy of becoming a mom and some that reminded me of how often I have failed. I found letters that reminded me of how many amazing life-long friends I have and some that opened up floods of pain and regret. My Lord, I went through some emotional trauma trying to move!

Joy and pain are strange little things. We tend to forget the strength of both.

We forget the pain of childbirth – which is fantastic or we would go extinct pretty damn quickly. (also: sex. sex makes us forget the painful consequences, am I right?)

We forget how much it hurts to fall in love only to feel the crushing weight of brokenness. Because the JOY of love is worth the risk.

Forgetting is part of the magic of allowing yourself to feel+love+LIVE again. Or maybe it’s more about choosing WHAT to forget and WHAT to bring along with you. What to pack and what to throw away.

So I made some choices during this move as I sorted through all of the tangible monuments to my past. I chose to remember the first time I held my babies to my breast instead of how fantastically painful the moments leading up to that first nuzzle actually were. I chose to remember how much more meaningful my friendships are now that they have endured distance and honest truth-telling and years of supporting each other through the weight of life instead of the pain of geographic separation or the inevitable weariness while working through the mess of ALL THE THINGS.

I made the choice to remember learning how to FEEL again and love again and to let someone in again instead of the pain of messing it up. {again} Love is tricky thing, yea? It can hurt and heal in the same breath.

So as you move through whatever transition you are snaking your way around right now, make a conscious choice to remember the things that strengthened you. Take a moment or two to rifle through the things that are painful but don’t hang out with them too long. Box them up, tape them shut and MOVE.

We are so close to a new year. SO CLOSE to leaving behind the ridiculousness of 2016. {I think we can ALL agree to put that shit in the ridiculous category} We are all in the position to do some soul searching as we decide on our 2017 intentions. Let’s make that move with as much thoughtfulness as we can muster. Let’s move into this new year remembering both the pain and pleasure. But just know that remembering the pain has a very specific and hopefully short purpose – to shine a light on the absolute beauty that has grown out of the desolate places.

So – let’s move on, loves! It’s time… get out your boxes and your tape guns and let’s get to work!

I sure do love you all. (especially YOU!)

-Abbye

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